I came across two very interesting situations the other week. I'll try to keep as general as possible, as I don't want to name names.
A friend had her 'mother-in-law' accuse her of being the overly dominant one in her relationship, inhibiting her boyfriend's potential in life. The mother decided to do this at a dinner party, in front of the boyfriend's family.
Another friend, who has been dating a guy eighteen years his senior, has decided to break it off with his 'hot daddy' because he's uncomfortable with the thought of what his parents would think of his relationship - especially given the boyfriend has more in common agewise with them than with their son.
It seems like parents have this outdated model of masculinity they use to measure their children's relationships by. Basically, their son must call all the shots - or at least, pretend to listen to their partner's needs, then make the call as befits their own specific needs. There's no room in this vision for the other partner's goals or needs (if they get in the way of their son's), and their child's partner definitely should not in any way hold any power over their son - whether that be in terms of age, social standing, or financial status.
The thing they tend to forget is that relationships are full of all sorts of inequalities. The disparities in knowledge, emotional maturity, experience (in every aspect of life), income, age, ethnicity or subcultural alignment... whatever. They are what makes the relationship interesting, what attracts us to our partners. And yes, they can result in situations where one partner exerts a dominant role over the other. Maybe it's just the foucauldean in me, but one would hope that in a good relationship, these roles switch at times and reach a general equilibrium of some sort.
I guess the scary thought is that it's not just parents who harbour these assumptions - people will risk their own happiness by accepting them. Sides, provided you have a family, they will accept your partner (in some way) once they realise just how much you care for each other.
(This last point doesn't justify some family members' expectations that their son's partner needs to demonstrate love for their son in order to meet their approval).
Fuck, i'm such a hopeless romantic.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Saturday, December 15, 2007
i think the universe is telling me something...
the campaign to get me to admit to my judaism seems to be ramping up. i had a very funny moment last week walking past the temple round the corner from my house, where the security guards moved aside to let me through - even though i was clearly walking past and not into the grounds.
then this morning, i come across this t-shirt, which i totally want almost completely based on the cool little preview screen that magnifies the image. given my dislike of christmases (unless they're the white variety we tend to have here in sydney) with the family fights and the screaming children and the horrifically tone-deaf carollers, the thought of converting is starting to appeal.
then i remember what i'd have to lose to become one of God's chosen. no rush on that one.
that, and i'm an atheist. might be a bit of trouble to convince the rabbi that the goy that looks jewish should just become one.
[Discoo]
then this morning, i come across this t-shirt, which i totally want almost completely based on the cool little preview screen that magnifies the image. given my dislike of christmases (unless they're the white variety we tend to have here in sydney) with the family fights and the screaming children and the horrifically tone-deaf carollers, the thought of converting is starting to appeal.
then i remember what i'd have to lose to become one of God's chosen. no rush on that one.
that, and i'm an atheist. might be a bit of trouble to convince the rabbi that the goy that looks jewish should just become one.
[Discoo]
Monday, December 10, 2007
All I want for christmas...
I've been wondering what I want to do next now that I'm allowed to go back to the gym. Then I found this:
One word: shoulders.
[PEN15 club: MVP(en15): James Marsden]
[innerjoejoe: iCandy: Josh, James & Beckham]
One word: shoulders.
[PEN15 club: MVP(en15): James Marsden]
[innerjoejoe: iCandy: Josh, James & Beckham]
Friday, November 30, 2007
Reasons we love CVM
* She introduces me to fabulous things like Cat and Girl:
* She has muchas intelligence, love and humour
* She goes to Elton John concerts with me and sings along with him (and with me singing along with him)
* Her sense of entitlement to a strong opinion on everything
* Her fabulous letters to the editor competition
muchas besos to you, Claudia.
[Chez CVM]
* She has muchas intelligence, love and humour
* She goes to Elton John concerts with me and sings along with him (and with me singing along with him)
* Her sense of entitlement to a strong opinion on everything
* Her fabulous letters to the editor competition
muchas besos to you, Claudia.
[Chez CVM]
Monday, November 26, 2007
Piratical Discourses
Contrary to the opinion espoused in Pirates of the Caribbean, there was never a single pirate code. Being a pirate at the moment (more on this later), I guess I should stick to one of the few recorded pirate codes - that of 'Black Bart' Roberts:
1. Every man shall have an equal vote in affairs of moment. He shall have an equal title to the fresh provisions or strong liquors at any time seized, and shall use them at pleasure unless a scarcity may make it necessary for the common good that a retrenchment may be voted.
I am so ecstatic that the ALP have come into power in the Australian House of Representatives. More important, though, is the Senate result; if the Liberals don't lose their majority, then we are basically facing an untenable situation for the next three years.
I'm proud to say that I campaigned for GetUp! this weekend, in my seat of Wentworth. I don't really care that Malcolm Turnbull won again; at least we managed to get the occasional person to think through where they stood. It may take some extra time to get him out, but at least it means there's a change of government, hopefully there will be an attendant compassionate change of attitude in this country generally. It's not that I believe in Krudd; it's that I find the Liberal/National coalition and their allies on the far right and überfundamentalist side of things so utterly distasteful. I don't know if he will just be a paler version of the eyebrow man, i'm just hoping his ascension brings a little more love my way.
2. Every man shall be called fairly in turn by the list on board of prizes, because over and above their proper share, they are allowed a shift of clothes. But if they defraud the company to the value of even one dollar in plate, jewels or money, they shall be marooned. If any man rob another he shall have his nose and ears slit, and be put ashore where he shall be sure to encounter hardships.
I'm back on the job hunt.
My latest foray has ended before it began. Based on a pitch I made in one of my classes, one of the other students (who owns her own agency) decided to headhunt me. So far so good.
After doing some tests and a face-to-face interview, I was offered what I thought was a dream position. All I needed to see was the full job description and letter of offer, and everything was great. So I waited for it.
And waited.
And waited.
We had a few phone conversations in the meantime. First, I was meant to start working in the middle of (what is now last) week, but then that got delayed. Then, I was meant to start today.
Except she never sent the bloody paperwork over.
So, on Friday, after delaying another set of meetings, she finally called one last meeting - on Sunday at 4pm. Alright, is she sure? Yes, absolutely - see you Sunday.
I turned up on Sunday at the arranged place at the arranged time. I waited an hour before going home.
I was way too angry to talk to her, so I left it alone. I finally got a phone call from her this morning, wondering where I was. I explained in no uncertain terms that I was disgusted by such a disrespectful act.
Suffice it to say, I will not be working for this woman. Ever.
3. None shall game for money either with dice or cards.
I won on the horsies the other week. Still have to pick up my winnings.
4. The lights and candles should be put out at eight at night, and if any of the crew desire to drink after that hour they shall sit upon the open deck without lights.
I have partied a little too hard this last few weeks. Time for a bit of slowing down.
5. Each man shall keep his piece, cutlass and pistols at all times clean and ready for action.
Hmm... Need to clean the house again. I don't hate you, etc.
6. No boy or woman to be allowed amongst them. If any man shall be found seducing any of the latter sex and carrying her to sea in disguise he shall suffer death.
No risk of that one any time soon.
7. He that shall desert the ship or his quarters in time of battle shall be punished by death or marooning.
No rush on that one, either.
Sticking around here as long as I can.
8. None shall strike another on board the ship, but every man's quarrel shall be ended on shore by sword or pistol in this manner. At the word of command from the quartermaster, each man being previously placed back to back, shall turn and fire immediately. If any man do not, the quartermaster shall knock the piece out of his hand. If both miss their aim they shall take to their cutlasses, and he that draweth first blood shall be declared the victor.
What a much cleaner way to do this.
I have a certain friend who has misheard me a couple of times, and complaining to other friends that I am being exceedingly cruel towards them. There's two problems with the situation, really:
Thankfully, she will answer her emails, so I figure resolution of the situation will have to occur in a circular manner. You know, as much as I appreciate the delicacy of the whole thing, I find it's just easier to have your barney up front and then clear everything asap.
9. No man shall talk of breaking up their way of living till each has a share of 1,000. Every man who shall become a cripple or lose a limb in the service shall have 800 pieces of eight from the common stock and for lesser hurts proportionately.
As I mentioned earlier, I am currently in pirate land. It all started three weeks ago, when I woke up seeing double.
After five days of testing, it was determined that I have a paralysed nerve in my left eye, caused by a viral infection. Until the paralysis clears completely, I will have to wear an eye patch. So the pirate/pinkeye jokes are flowing like crazy, and I'm only starting to get used to the staring everywhere I go.
There is a definite bonus to the situation: I am meeting people like crazy. Everyone wants to know why I would be bringing pirate back, so there's opportunities abound to make new friends.
10. The captain and the quartermaster shall each receive two shares of a prize, the master gunner and boatswain, one and one half shares, all other officers one and one quarter ugly, and private gentlemen of fortune one share each.
Hmmm... can I be quartermaster or captain? See job search, above.
I think I need to win the lottery. Maybe then I can skip the whole job search and just go straight to the next phase (start award-winnning business, sell it off for mega bucks, and then spend the rest of my life living in Sydney half the year, and somewhere else the other half).
11. The musicians shall have rest on the Sabbath Day only by right. On all other days by favor only.
Still being confused for a Jew. This latest time, it was for living in Woollahra.
Does this mean the musos get Saturday off? 'Cause that's wrong.
[Wikipedia: Bartholomew Roberts]
[Urban Dictionary: John Howard]
[IMDB: Mommie Dearest]
1. Every man shall have an equal vote in affairs of moment. He shall have an equal title to the fresh provisions or strong liquors at any time seized, and shall use them at pleasure unless a scarcity may make it necessary for the common good that a retrenchment may be voted.
I am so ecstatic that the ALP have come into power in the Australian House of Representatives. More important, though, is the Senate result; if the Liberals don't lose their majority, then we are basically facing an untenable situation for the next three years.
I'm proud to say that I campaigned for GetUp! this weekend, in my seat of Wentworth. I don't really care that Malcolm Turnbull won again; at least we managed to get the occasional person to think through where they stood. It may take some extra time to get him out, but at least it means there's a change of government, hopefully there will be an attendant compassionate change of attitude in this country generally. It's not that I believe in Krudd; it's that I find the Liberal/National coalition and their allies on the far right and überfundamentalist side of things so utterly distasteful. I don't know if he will just be a paler version of the eyebrow man, i'm just hoping his ascension brings a little more love my way.
2. Every man shall be called fairly in turn by the list on board of prizes, because over and above their proper share, they are allowed a shift of clothes. But if they defraud the company to the value of even one dollar in plate, jewels or money, they shall be marooned. If any man rob another he shall have his nose and ears slit, and be put ashore where he shall be sure to encounter hardships.
I'm back on the job hunt.
My latest foray has ended before it began. Based on a pitch I made in one of my classes, one of the other students (who owns her own agency) decided to headhunt me. So far so good.
After doing some tests and a face-to-face interview, I was offered what I thought was a dream position. All I needed to see was the full job description and letter of offer, and everything was great. So I waited for it.
And waited.
And waited.
We had a few phone conversations in the meantime. First, I was meant to start working in the middle of (what is now last) week, but then that got delayed. Then, I was meant to start today.
Except she never sent the bloody paperwork over.
So, on Friday, after delaying another set of meetings, she finally called one last meeting - on Sunday at 4pm. Alright, is she sure? Yes, absolutely - see you Sunday.
I turned up on Sunday at the arranged place at the arranged time. I waited an hour before going home.
I was way too angry to talk to her, so I left it alone. I finally got a phone call from her this morning, wondering where I was. I explained in no uncertain terms that I was disgusted by such a disrespectful act.
Suffice it to say, I will not be working for this woman. Ever.
3. None shall game for money either with dice or cards.
I won on the horsies the other week. Still have to pick up my winnings.
4. The lights and candles should be put out at eight at night, and if any of the crew desire to drink after that hour they shall sit upon the open deck without lights.
I have partied a little too hard this last few weeks. Time for a bit of slowing down.
5. Each man shall keep his piece, cutlass and pistols at all times clean and ready for action.
Hmm... Need to clean the house again. I don't hate you, etc.
6. No boy or woman to be allowed amongst them. If any man shall be found seducing any of the latter sex and carrying her to sea in disguise he shall suffer death.
No risk of that one any time soon.
7. He that shall desert the ship or his quarters in time of battle shall be punished by death or marooning.
No rush on that one, either.
Sticking around here as long as I can.
8. None shall strike another on board the ship, but every man's quarrel shall be ended on shore by sword or pistol in this manner. At the word of command from the quartermaster, each man being previously placed back to back, shall turn and fire immediately. If any man do not, the quartermaster shall knock the piece out of his hand. If both miss their aim they shall take to their cutlasses, and he that draweth first blood shall be declared the victor.
What a much cleaner way to do this.
I have a certain friend who has misheard me a couple of times, and complaining to other friends that I am being exceedingly cruel towards them. There's two problems with the situation, really:
- I absolute love and adore this particular individual, but she won't bring the issues up with me directly; and
- She is apparently so offended that she won't answer the phone if i ring.
Thankfully, she will answer her emails, so I figure resolution of the situation will have to occur in a circular manner. You know, as much as I appreciate the delicacy of the whole thing, I find it's just easier to have your barney up front and then clear everything asap.
9. No man shall talk of breaking up their way of living till each has a share of 1,000. Every man who shall become a cripple or lose a limb in the service shall have 800 pieces of eight from the common stock and for lesser hurts proportionately.
As I mentioned earlier, I am currently in pirate land. It all started three weeks ago, when I woke up seeing double.
After five days of testing, it was determined that I have a paralysed nerve in my left eye, caused by a viral infection. Until the paralysis clears completely, I will have to wear an eye patch. So the pirate/pinkeye jokes are flowing like crazy, and I'm only starting to get used to the staring everywhere I go.
There is a definite bonus to the situation: I am meeting people like crazy. Everyone wants to know why I would be bringing pirate back, so there's opportunities abound to make new friends.
10. The captain and the quartermaster shall each receive two shares of a prize, the master gunner and boatswain, one and one half shares, all other officers one and one quarter ugly, and private gentlemen of fortune one share each.
Hmmm... can I be quartermaster or captain? See job search, above.
I think I need to win the lottery. Maybe then I can skip the whole job search and just go straight to the next phase (start award-winnning business, sell it off for mega bucks, and then spend the rest of my life living in Sydney half the year, and somewhere else the other half).
11. The musicians shall have rest on the Sabbath Day only by right. On all other days by favor only.
Still being confused for a Jew. This latest time, it was for living in Woollahra.
Does this mean the musos get Saturday off? 'Cause that's wrong.
[Wikipedia: Bartholomew Roberts]
[Urban Dictionary: John Howard]
[IMDB: Mommie Dearest]
Thursday, November 22, 2007
if only...
Fingers crossed.
If the listing has gone down, I've also included a brief screen shot below:
My personal favourite part of the review:
"* Includes a $200 000 set of executive chairs (not from IKEA!)"
[Digital Mischief]
If the listing has gone down, I've also included a brief screen shot below:
My personal favourite part of the review:
"* Includes a $200 000 set of executive chairs (not from IKEA!)"
[Digital Mischief]
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Just In: Not only am I Jewish, apparently I'm a Mormon too...
I mentioned the other day that I keep getting told I'm Jewish. It's kind of amusing, given the anti-semitism that was so rampant among many of the ukrainians I grew up around (i'm not excluding family members in that, either).
Anyway, apparently Gmail is convinced I'm a bike-carrying member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints. This Ad link was up today on my inbox:
On My Island Website
Do they realise I'm more likely to be the person RELEASING the dog than running away from it?
Anyway, apparently Gmail is convinced I'm a bike-carrying member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints. This Ad link was up today on my inbox:
On My Island Website
Do they realise I'm more likely to be the person RELEASING the dog than running away from it?
Monday, October 29, 2007
i want it right now
A few videos:
1) This came across via an old friend's Facebook wall. Something about Serge Gainsbourg that reminds me that I have to stop causing so much trouble in my own bedroom:
Aw. Remember when Whitney was wholesome and naive? Apparently it wasn't Bobby that ruined her - we can always blame the French.
2) I heard Armand van Helden's I Want your Soul for the first time at Sleaze Ball, hanging out with a couple of guys who are fast becoming close friends of mine. The track stuck in my head, and I've been trying to work out what it is - it took a trip to the Colombian to find out, typically.
Anyway, all this is to say that I've found the video clip of Siedah Garrett's Do You Want it Right Now - the song that AVH samples in IWYS:
1) This came across via an old friend's Facebook wall. Something about Serge Gainsbourg that reminds me that I have to stop causing so much trouble in my own bedroom:
Aw. Remember when Whitney was wholesome and naive? Apparently it wasn't Bobby that ruined her - we can always blame the French.
2) I heard Armand van Helden's I Want your Soul for the first time at Sleaze Ball, hanging out with a couple of guys who are fast becoming close friends of mine. The track stuck in my head, and I've been trying to work out what it is - it took a trip to the Colombian to find out, typically.
Anyway, all this is to say that I've found the video clip of Siedah Garrett's Do You Want it Right Now - the song that AVH samples in IWYS:
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Things I'm loving right now
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