sheep

I was going to write about my cringe-inducing dream last night, where I ended up at some stupid new-age retreat rolling down hills or something, and then in the final session got so bored I(half-mockingly,half in the manner of a calm counsellor-cum-Marg-Downey-in-Kath-and-Kim) told this absolutely boring twit - after he admitted that the marriage was not going so well because he had "homosexual tendencies" - that he should either a) go screw a boy or b) join up to a married gay guys' counselling group with the missus. But that would be indicative of the crap writing that proliferates on this website, right?

So, instead of boring all with my tale, I'm following the whole trend of looking at which celebrities I most resemble according to myHeritage. Admittedly, I visited this site first about three months ago, but didn't like the results I got from the only half-decent (ok, completely shite) photograph I had of myself on my work computer. From other people's posts on their blogs, the idea seems to be to allow celebrities of both genders, and see who matches you closely. This time, with a decent (somewhat realistic) pic, I get the following ones:

at 70%

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Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Yum - I've adored him since Velvet Goldmine.

at 68%

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Admittedly, this is quite an old photo of Hugh Grant. Still, Ew.

Tarkan, some Turkish popstar. As usual, I've chosen a better pic than the one myHeritage gives me (for one thing, there's no gel or fugly goatee involved in this one...*shudder*). On the upside, a quick Google reveals him to be a flaming homo who is most famous for his single Şımarık (Holly Valance did it as Kiss Kiss). Big surprise there.

Now, that's more like it. Wolvericious. (Yes, 'tis Hugh Jackman)

64%

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Admittedly, I loved Anne Hathaway in bareback mounting - just for that scene where she's on the phone with Ennis. Not enough to want to look like her, though.

I couldn't stop laughing when this one came up - as if I look anything like Andie Macdowell. You may as well have given me Malcolm.

63%

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mmmm, Ian Somerhalder. I knew there was a reason I should start watching Lost. (Obviously, it's not going to be Charlie from Party of Five.)

Ok, I could stop there, but the next one is just too funny.

62%

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Pene, you used to be so cute. Then you dated that closet-case couch jumper. What happened to the decent Cruz?
Incidentally, I wonder what QueerPenguin makes of this one?

This last one was too good to pass up. I wonder if I could pull off a drag version of Holly Hunter in Broadcast News?

PS. Apologies to the random websites I have ripped off for these pics - I admit full responsibility for my appalling lack of netiquette. Still, it's not like more than five people will read this.

Vale June Pointer

She ain't so excited no more. *Sniff*


http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifThe Queerty version of events

Now who's Lady M going to run around the house dancing to before we hit another party?

More importantly, the Pointer Sisters were originally a country act?!?

Reasons I will never purchase anything from Retravision or Homezone Digital

I'm sure we've all read bitchy rants like this before, so if you're not interested in hearing this one, skip this post and jump to my Catherine Keener lovefest.

I know I usually don't post stuff about work on here, but this is just a warning for anyone considering purchasing or renting whitegoods through Retravision or its appliances/whitegoods arm, HomeZone Digital. You know, that or all five members of my collective audience.

Well, and the fact I'm so pissed off about this whole situation.

Our work microwave started playing up a few weeks ago, and the boss asked me to purchase a new one. The best available one I could find within the specs was from HomeZone Digital, so I ordered it online.
A few days later, I received a phone call from the head of HomeZone's online ordering department, a friendly sounding guy whom I shall call Jonti (because that is his real name). He requested credit card details for payment, and assured me we would be receiving the invoice in the mail and the microwave would be delivered over the next few days. So far, so good.
Two days later, Jonti emails me. Apparently the model we had ordered is no longer produced - he suggests one or two other models that they're willing to deliver instead. I go with one of them, and assume that's that.
A whole week passes. No microwave - we do receive the invoice, though. I try calling Jonti on the direct number listed on the email signature after emailing him a few times - goes straight through to voicemail every time. No response from Jonti after a few of these messages, so I call him on the mobile. He assures me he will call me back in 10 minutes when I speak to him. Funnily enough, he never calls.
A week and a half passes - admittedly, because I'm busy doing the work I'm supposed to be doing when I'm not chasing dodgy suppliers. Finally, I get back to chasing Jonti.

After several phone calls and emails with no response, I try calling the store listed on the invoice (Bondi Junction). There, I get to speak to not one, but two sales assistants who tell me that Jonti actually doesn't report to anyone bar head office, as he's a department all on his own. After listening to this crap one more time (having left a voicemail message in Jonti's inbox where I threatened to start a formal complaint through Consumer Affairs), I convince the assistant to contact head office for me (they won't give me the number). I take a deep breath, and wait exactly one day.

When I haven't heard from her in that time, I call the Bondi Junction store. The phone is answered by some random guy who puts me on hold for ten minutes before hanging up on me. I call again, and he answers once more. I let fly at him - I point out how rude it is to hang up on someone, and not even be courteous enough to let them know the person they're trying to contact is busy. He puts me through to the assistant, who lets me know Head Office still haven't got back to her before putting me through to the Store Manager.

I explain my case, the Store Manager agrees that the whole situation is screwed (it's now three weeks since I paid for the microwave and we haven't seen it or even heard when it will be delivered.) He arranges for it to be delivered the next Monday (that would be today).

And the fun does not stop there. In the last fifteen minutes, I've received two phone calls from the delivery guy trying to weasel out of delivering the bloody thing today - saying it might be easier if he delivers tomorrow or next week or something. I politely told him it will be here by 6.30 or else.

Now, if only I could find the number for head office... And Consumer Affairs.

UPDATE: The delivery guy actually did his job! He turned up after all his pissing and moaning with the microwave only 30 mins after the last phone call. Meanwhile, I decided to screw this shit - I can't be bothered having anything more to do with Retravision and a formal complaint would only waste more of my precious time.

I heart Catherine Keener

I'm not much of a morning person. Even less so a morning television person. Ever since Steve Liebman left Today, I just don't bother. And it's not like he was that fantastic either, just likeable.

I could happily shoot his replacement, that annoying toothy guy with no personality whose name escapes me. But I reserve special vile for the hosts of Sunrise. I mean, Kochie was not particularly interesting to start off with, but to team him up with the insipid Melissa Doyle is like a double hit of poison.

Which is possibly why I have been hanging out for Catherine Keener to get on one of these shows and shoot Mel and Kochie down a la her performance on the American Today show the other day.

I finally saw Capote with a friend the other day, and I have to say, she's my fave female actor of the moment. Her presence as Harper Lee is just so amazing I can't help but gush when talking about her. And to hear about her reprising in real life something we've seen her do previously on screen (and so well - think John Malkovich), makes me - along with the fabulous Rob at PEN15 (who is now officially my new blogger crush) - want to see the video clip of the incident so much.

Not that I particularly care much about 'box of hair' Aniston that much - s - it's just great to have a public figure defending the otherwise useless from insipid morons.

I wonder, who wants to start a 'Catherine Keener for Class President' fanclub with me?